Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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