Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
