I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
