Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
