Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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