hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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