I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Randomize
