I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
