i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
