Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
