i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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