this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
