my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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