I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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