so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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