I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
