Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just gift wrapped bread.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
