Do you still have your period?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You made out with two different species that night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
