My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
