I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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