Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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