just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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