guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
