A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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