I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
