i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
