I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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