WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
