just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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