Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
