he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
