We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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