I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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