i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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