if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
