This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
