That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
