I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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