Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
