Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
