I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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