her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
