when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Mom said you looked used
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
