Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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