i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
