He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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