I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
