you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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