Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
