I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The adults are the big ones right?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
