Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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