He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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