Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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