I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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