Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
