i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
