No, you can still breathe under the balls.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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