Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
