Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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