u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want a musical about memes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
