I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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