You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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