feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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