in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
