i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
