ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize