Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Come on in and take your pants off
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