Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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