I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
