There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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