I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
