phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
