K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
