I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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